Selfwisdom

New website at http://www.wisdomhere.com

2007-11-09T07:36:00.001-08:00

Dear Friends,
You will now find me at http://www.wisdomhere.com where there is both a blog and forum to continue sharing with you in this journey of seeking wisdom.
Blessings and loving kindness
May you be well and happy

My Great Enemy

2007-06-12T22:15:00.000-07:00

When I was putting the girls to sleep last night, we said a a short metta prayer. "Metta" means loving kindness. We had begun by first wishing for ourselves by saying - "May I be well and happy. May I be free from troubles. May I be healthy and peaceful". Then we said - "May my relatives(wife, sisters, grandparents and uncles/aunties) be well and happy...." . I was leading and had just begun to end the prayer by saying, 'May our enemies.." when it struck me as odd that I was using the word 'enemy' as it implied that we harboured ill will towards some other. Before I could correct myself, Kay asked if I had enemies. While I like to think that I had none, I said yes. She asked who that was. I said she knows who it was. As a hint to her, I said that each of us has a great enemy. She quickly answered - 'I know - Your emotions'. Precisely.
And sure enough the great enemy surface today. I had just picked the girls up from their regular Saturday kids yoga class. Nai hit Kay when Kay said something in the car. I asked Nai to get down from the car. She refused and I physically tried to dislodge her. She was strong and had put up a struggle. I succeeded but she cried saying that I had hurt her leg. I was upset in the process of removing her and could see that it was pure emotions which driving all my actions at that point in time. The voice of the rational higher mind was no where to be heard. The result certainly had been unfavourable. I should have just drove home straight and left the kids in the porch by themselves to figure out for themselves where they went wrong. Instead, I had fought emotions with emotions. Fire with fire. Like the saying, 'When you throw fire, you will be the first to be burnt". My future wise action is that I should do nothing if I was getting upset, to not touch the kids and remove myself from such a situation.

Saying Thank You

2007-04-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

My nine year old daughter Kay said that she received a gift from her classmate today. Her friend had gone for a holiday at the beachside and had given her a keychain in the shape of a plastic dolphin. The dolphin was partly filled with water and had another little baby dolphin inside together with some tiny sea shells, fine beach sand and shinny confetti. The keychain was very creatively done and the movement of the objects within would hold your fascination for a little while. It was not surprising that Kay liked it. I asked how she had thanked her friend. She said she just shoke her hands. I told her that she needed to do five things to show her appreciation. She would first have to thank her friend for thinking and spending time in getting her a gift. Second, to thank her friend for spending her money to buy the gift. Third, tell her friend how thrilled she was in receiving the lovely gift and how much she liked it. Fourth, to give her friend a big hug for being so nice. Fifth, to remember to reciprocate her friend's kind gesture in the future. That would be one good big thank you. When she responded that it seemed like a lot of things to do and she could forget. I said a sweet hand made thank you note would do just fine.

Dying

2007-04-03T16:25:00.000-07:00

It is All Souls Day, a time when death is not a taboo subject. It is one day of the year that we dedicate to the dearly departed. We were at the cementry on Sunday, clearing the tomb of weeds. While my grandfather's grave still had a tomb, some of the neighbouring ones had completely flatten without even the sight of the tombstone. Testimony that the passage of time annihilates all.
I asked my father how he would like things done and be remembered when the time came. He said he wished to be cremated and the ashes left in a temple. The reason was that it was more convenient for all to visit whenever anyone wanted to remember him and prayers would be conducted by the monks of the temple. I said that would still be leaving behind a legacy. Leaving earth but still not completely leaving. In some cases, it becomes a burden to others because of the obligations to return to show respect for the departed. The best way I feel is to completely return to mother nature, just like the way we came. With nothing and to leave nothing behind. Ashes strewn into the flowing river or the mighty ocean reflects a complete letting go of all that binds us to earth. We return to become one with nature with nothing holding us back and nothing holding back those we leave behind. The clear waters of a river, the spring flowers, the soft wind that gently rustles the leaves can be enough reminders of our time on earth to anyone who feels like remembering us. If there was indeed any legacy one wanted to leave behind, perhaps the money which would otherwise be used for the grave be instead used to buy a few trees to be planted in some lovely spots amongst nature along with a bench(excluding any labels of in memoriam) for some tired and dispirited souls to rest and reflect in their journey of life.

Giving Up

2007-03-19T16:23:00.000-07:00

We have sold our house which we had been living in for the last 12 years. It is a beautiful house which you either love or don't. It is able to evoke emotions in you because of the way it reveals itself to you. It begins with a most unassuming entrance which greets you. Just a car porch which overlooks a narrow path below that leads you to the garden at the back of the house. In fact, you did be quite unimpressed with the house at first glance because you cannot even see a single window from the main entrance. And windows are usually one of the attractive features of homes. The house was once fully covered with ivy. Right up the walls reaching to almost the roof. The house was just like the kind you would romance about in books like The Secret Garden and pictures of ye old in England. It evoked an immediate response from my wife on our first visit to view the house when we were looking for a home two years after we got married. Her enthusiasm confirmed that this was her dream house when she entered and found that it had several split levels. The master bedroom has a balcony with the most glorious view of lush greenery...
Now, it is no longer our dream house. I didn't find it difficult to let go. I have learned to let go. It was about the time after we used to visit art galleries buying original paintings by local artists and attending carpet auctions for persian rugs. The kind of activities which usually went to making a house a home. I found that there was always another painting we liked and would yearn to have. And of cost it meant spending more money. Where would all this end? And later I came across some words of wisdom which gave the message that we do not have to own everything that we like. It has a lot of significance if you think about it more deeply. We have so many desires, to acquire, the need to have and own. And with those desires comes our feelings of yearning and disappointments if we find that the things we wanted were subsequently sold to someone else. We cleared stuff from the storeroom over the weekend. There were some things there which I did not even remember buying. There were a few antique items including a brass poster bed, a few teak wood frame mirrors and a couple of Chinese woven baskets with beautiful pictures of celestial beings. When my wife asked what we should do with these things. I said without hesitation to give them away. The effort we took in the fervent search for these things never came to my mind.
My daughter said the next thing to clear was the shoe cupboard. She said mom had so many shoes. I told her that my Friday night Vedanta teacher once said that you have got too many of one thing if you can't count them. Kay counted her shoes. Yes she had less than five pairs. It is only when we grow older that we keep buying. Not giving any thought if we really needed another pair of shoes, another shirt or dress..and finding out later that we no longer have the desire to own those things which we had bought.
The practical wisdom is that the desire we have of things is only momentary. Be less acquisitive and like what the yoga teacher said for the theme of the year - 'Travel light and expand your mind'. You will have less baggage to tie you down. Save yourself some money and not be disappointed if you do not own something which you like. That feeling of disappointment shall pass.

Maya or Reality

2007-02-24T00:01:00.000-08:00

The Vedanta Master at yesterday's evening class spoke about our existence and reality. He compared the waking world to the dream world. To the awaker, the dream was not real. And to the dreamer, the awake world is not real. Both of these realms are the same and are only different in terms of the degree. The awake world is more precise but that does not make it any more real than a dream. The subject in the dream will reject the existence of the real world as much as the subject in the awake world will reject all that has happened in a dream. So how should we view the awake world? Is it real? We must first try to define what is real. What is real is unchanging through the course of time. So is our life real? Is our body the same and unchanging? Are we still a son or daugther when our parents are no longer with us? What about our emotions? Are they real? All events come and leave and us. The experience of an Olympic champion in winning the 100metres race in front of a crowd of thousands cannot be relived the next day except in memory. So life is not real as far as the objects we are experiencing. And if life is not real, is it unreal? Are we not feeling or experiencing glorious moments in our life? How can these events or experiences be unreal? Life, the Vedanta asserts, is both not real and not unreal. Life is maya or an illusion. Life is the greatest reality show on earth except that we are all participants. We are both the actors and the audiences. Look at the first reality show - Survivor. It took one imaginative guy to dream up an idea of having groups of people competing against each other. To the members of each group, this competition was real. The prize was real. Getting in and kicked out of the race was real to the participants. But is it really real? We watch each episode of the show with excitement because the emotions of each participant seemed real to us while at the end it is still a show. Little do we realise that we are all actors in this great drama of life, as what Shakespeare had known when he said: '"All the world is a stage, And all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages."

Charity

2007-02-19T02:09:00.000-08:00

Today is the first visit this year to a nursing home which I have been bringing the children to since 2004. I try to make it at least one visit in a month. There was no one that we knew there when we first started going to the home. It is a place for mainly the elderly. I thought it would be a great place for the children to share their musical capabilities whilst learning about charity. It was especially useful for them to have an old but still playable piano at the home. Together with music from the piano, the kids would always bring along their violin to serenade to the old folks. I tell the children that one of the gifts of music is the joy it brings to those who get a chance to hear it and that they should share it.
It is important to do charity because it enables us to learn many things. We learn to do things not just for ourselves because in selfishness is when we suffer. When we are selfish, our world is very small. We become too absorbed in our self importance and are only concerned about our own feelings. In seeing the plight of others, we begin to count and acknowledge our blessings, of the still many things we can do with our abled bodies which we have taken for granted. We realise that when we see the old folks sitting around, some in wheel chairs supported by a strap around their torso tied to the wheel chair because they can't sit up on their own. The things that bother us become so small compared to the problems and the more dire situation of others. We become less sensitive to our egotistical emotions.
We also learn about giving loving kindness to humanity at large and not just confine ourselves to doing good to people we know. Our capacity to empathise will increase and helps us to cultivate compassion towards others.
We try to bring the favourite foods of Paul, one of the inmates. He sufferred a stroke and is not able to feed himself well enough. I would need to feed him and I must admit that it makes me a little uncomfortable to have my fingers touching his mouth. I guess it has to do with the fear of being in contact with his saliva. But in making myself feed Paul, I am 'forced' to move beyond my personal comfort zone. In confronting my fears, it gives me the opportunity eliminate one of my hangups and learn more about myself.
And finally it is for the joy we receive in giving. Of knowing that we have made a difference to the lives of ordinary folks on a Monday afternoon while we evolve our consciousness. We break the humdrum lives of old folks and the stress of the caregivers.
Try it. It is easy. Just take note of such homes for the aged or underprivileged children in your neighbourhood when you are driving. The next time, make it a point to stop at any of these places. Go in and have a chat with a total stranger and I guarantee you that you won't be asked why you are doing what might seem to you to be a strange thing that you are doing.

Valentines Day

2007-02-14T04:17:00.000-08:00

You must be wondering what is a guy like me talking half the time about spiritual stuff has anything to do with Valentines Day. Well I can't help it if the four ladies in my life keep reminding me of the event. The two little girls asked me yesterday evening if my surprise gift to them was if I was going to paint their toe nails in the night when they were asleep! That was after their mom told them I was responsible for giving her the funky nail work after her visit to the nail shop. Anyway that is not the subject of my thoughts. The matter is the Lady wishes for little twinkling stones. Yes diamonds. So queston is should we attach so much value to these things. Attractive they may be but we do not have to own everything that we like or find attractive. Otherwise, we are going to become pretty depress people most of the time. The Yoga Master in his new year message said to travel light and to expand the mind. The Vedanta Teacher says the moment you possess something, it possesses you.
We have unwittingly become the victims of consumerism through the persuasive glamourous advertisements we are incessantly bombarded with. The women love clothes and things which make them pretty especially the ones which sparkle. The guys love cars. Great toys to distract ourselves with. But too high a price for the transient pleasures they bring. But alas that is not going to stop us from thinking of owning all that stuff.
The question is what do we do? Observe the people who are ostentiously acquisitive, are they happy. Do they have your admiration? Be careful how you answer this. Yes do you admire them from your respect of their values and not your envy of what they have.
For me, I will just give the Lady a cheque and let her decide what she wants to do with the money. See if she spends it wisely.

Argument

2007-02-11T00:27:00.000-08:00

My brother Bert and Dad just had an argument. Bert accused Dad of having taken something from him and not returning it . Dad said no such thing. They started to get abusive toward each other and ended up with a shouting match interspersed with foul words.
It isn't just children who get into arguments. Adults too. But with greater viciousness and usually with dire long term consequences. It just goes to show that wisdom does not come with age.
It does not matter who is right or who is wrong. If one observes an argument, the primary elements in play are our emotions and our ego. When emotions take control, we say and do things which are hurtful to the other. Things which we usually regret later after we allow ourselves to reflect and think about the event. Even if we didn't regret the pain we caused others, the event had also caused us to suffer. So it is very important to observe how an argument arises and how to avoid it from escalating. It usually arises when we are accused of something. It does not matter whether there is any basis for the accusation. We will interprete the accusation as an attack. With any attack our spontaneous reaction is to defend by counter attacking. When we respond in this way, there is hardly any conscious thought here. It is all emotionally based. To have emotions be the driving force of our next course of action is fatal because from our daily life observations, we can see how unreliable our feelings can be. As an example, see how exaggerated our fears can sometimes be compared to the reality of a situation. Because of this, most of the time we are overreacting. So what do have to do? Stay in control. Otherwise two persons losing control in an argument can only guarantee mutual destruction, definately not the favoured outcome. How does one stay in control? Slow down. Watch the event with detachment. Notice that a lot of the things that are happening are actually your reaction to your thoughts of the split second messages which your senses are receiving. Watch your breath and the event with this awareness. Accept that the other person is ignorant of his behaviour and that he is being directed by his foolish emotions. That you will have to wait for another time to discuss the matter with the person when the person is more ready to listen. Because you know that the best response to a closed mind is to give no response. And an angry emotional mind is a closed mind. It is just not worth it. You don't want to compound a problem with another problem of having to soothen the hurt feelings caused by things said or done in the heat of an argument. Much less that you have to resolve the original problem which started the argument in the first place. This approach not reacting(or overreacting) but instead to make a conscious chosen respond takes a bit of practise to master. Start with being aware of the little things which upset you first and watch how you respond. Make your move a wise move. Or better still, no move.

My Religion

2007-02-08T15:25:00.000-08:00

I asked a new colleague, Peter what he did during weekends over lunch yesterday. He said that he spent a lot of his time attending activities at the church. He asked me what religion I practised. I said that God did not have a religion. He looked at me point blank for a few moments and said that I must be a free thinker. I said no because I do believe in the existence of God but that God can be anywhere and in any religion which practices love and kindness. Whereever I see these attributes and virtues practised and taught, I believed that God is there. Be it in Hinduism, Christianity or Buddhism. It was clear that Paul wasn't buying my assertation because his next response was 'You must be risk averse'. He was implying that I was practising all religions, prayed to all Gods so that I could get to heaven when the time came. Quite a loaded response huh? I told him that in practising a religion, to get to heaven wasn't exactly my motive. What I have been seeking for was how to lead a peaceful, purposeful and meaningful present life. Not in the after-life. I have learned that it was important to first seek for the answer to the question 'who am I'. Try answering that. I am sure you are going to say your name first. What else? You are a father/mother, husband/wife, worker/student. Are you satisfied with the answer? Remove the object from the relationship and you are no longer what you say you are. All I know is that there is a consciousness within us. A consciousness which existence is not dependent on the world. The true Self. True because it does not change, at least not in our live time. And that the Self takes on the body and begins a relationship with the world. A relationship which enables the Self to experience multitudinal emotions. The essence of this consciousness is the same in each of us. Once we are able to identify with it, it becomes clear as to how we should conduct our relationship with others. What we want for ourselves is what others would want too. Love, happiness and respect. So any religion which promotes this approach to life is fine by me. With lunch time almost over, I said we will talk about the relationship of God and the Self, the meaning of life on another day.

Inconvenience

2007-02-05T21:06:00.000-08:00

As I came through the gates of the Vivikananda Ashram for my regular Friday evening Vedanta class, I was surprised to encounter a young caucasian male sitting cross legged in the grounds. He was in shorts, a little scruffy and looked like he needed a shave. He appeared to be in meditation, sitting with his eyes closed.
I said hello to him with the motive of finding out if he had any spiritual intentions to be there. He said that his name was Anton and that he was from Russia. He had just arrived in Kuala Lumpur after having hitched a ride from Phuket and was enroute to Australia. He said he organises marathon kayak races. He didn't have a place to stay until 15 February which was when he expects to secure his visa to Australia. As I was at lost to how I could help him, I told him to join the class. He asked if he had to pay for attending the class. I assured him that it was free. He lugged his haversack over his shoulders and followed me. He sat at the back of the class while I continued to sit in my usual place, a seat in front and closer to the teacher.
After class he approached the teacher who asked Doc(one of the Friday class members) to help Anton. Doc was at odds as to what to do because it was almost 10pm. He thought if he could find a Sikh temple which he knew to always welcome travellers but after a few phone calls to his friends he was not able to find one. Feeling partly responsible, I offered to accompany Doc to find a place for Anton. We decided to drop him at a buddhist temple nearby where I bade Anton farewell and gave him $50 bucks to get by.
Doc said that Anton should not have imposed himself on the class and should have planned and budgeted for his trip. I said that we couldn't judging him because we didn't know the full story of how and why he ended up here. I hesitated in telling Doc that it was on my suggestion that Anton joined the class since it would not cost him a cent to sit in and perhaps find the class interesting. Doc thanked me for accompanying him as he admitted that he has beginning to entertain wild thoughts of what could happen by ferrying a stranger in his car.
My thoughts of the event were several:
1. I had a problem when Anton asked for accommodation and had passed it to the class without asking the class f

Emotions

2007-01-30T16:17:00.000-08:00

Our emotions are our reactions to our thoughts of an event. The event has gone by but the thought remain. Our holding on to the thought and our perception of the event through our thoughts will colour our emotions. Go ahead, think of a past significant event in your life. You can see the emotions arising even though the event has passed by. That is our life. In every moment, our emotions are the result of reactions to events which have gone by, even if it was for a split second. That is why it is so important to be in the present because that is the only 'real' thing. But it is only real at that point in time, the present will also become the past. So our emotions will also come to pass. And so the wisdom in life is to watch your thoughts and be mindful of your reactions to your thoughts. Not the event. That is not the determinant to your emotions.

Good Night Prayer

2007-01-27T22:27:00.000-08:00

This is the daily prayer my children Nai and Kay will recite before they go to sleep each night:

'Thank you God for a beautiful and wonderful day
Thank you God for the love I received today
Thank you Mother Earth for the rain and sunshine
Thank you Mother Earth for the delicious food
Thank you God for all the blessings in my life
May good be for all
May all be happy
May all be healthy
Ooommm Shanti(Peace to all)'

For me, when I pieced the good night prayer together for my children, it was meant to be a prayer of thanks with thots of loving kindness. That we do not take for granted all that we have received during the day and to share the goodness with all.

But the children's sunday school day teacher thot otherwise. Kay told me last nite after the prayer the teacher said that she cant be praying to other gods. I explained to Kay with an illustration. I told her to imagine that God was our hand with my five fingers. The little finger takes care of nature and we call it Mother Earth. "Mother" because that is what mothers do; they feed and care for us. So Mother Earth is also God. And who is to say that God is male and not a female. Anyway that is not the issue. We are only concerned about the attributes of God and that we teach our children to love Mother Earth and to care for the environment through not littering, recycling, planting trees...